Millions of people across the US are reporting that the FBI has raided their homes in search of their My Pillow.
Sources close to the investigation claim that My Pillow company founder, Mike Lindell, was a contributor to Cobra Commander’s election campaign and used his pillows to hide classified documents that implicated the Commander in a plot to take over the United States.
One 80-year-old My Pillow owner reported, “I was in bed at 7 PM, having my nighttime glass of Ensure, when they broke down the door, threw me to the floor, grabbed my My Pillow, and just left.”
Cobra Commander released a statement through his campaign denying he currently has any active plans to take over the country … in 2022 … on a Monday … during a full moon … and accused Joe Biden of weaponizing the FBI against him ahead of the 2024 presidential elections.
“Why would I need to seize control of the country,” he said, “when all of the good pillow owners of this nation would gladly had me the power in 2024 to ensure their pillows are safe from tyranny!?!”
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