Cobra Commander Conquers Galactic Con in Landslide Victory
In a plot twist stranger than science fiction itself, Galactic Con in Middletown, Delaware, has become the unexpected arena for shocking results in the 2024 presidential election. Move over Trump and Biden – the victor is none other than Cobra Commander, who secured an astonishing 97.4% of the vote.
As attendees, dressed in an eclectic mix of superhero costumes and intergalactic attire, enthusiastically cast their votes, little did they know they were about to witness a triumph of epic proportions. Cobra Commander, with his menacing glare and iconic mirrored helmet, emerged as the ruler of the Galactic Con political battlefield, leaving both Donald Trump and Joe Biden in the dust.
The defeated candidates, Trump and Biden, were befuddled as they tried to make sense of their political demise at the hands of a notorious figure facing over 1,700 felony charges in multiple countries.
Perhaps the most surprising element of these election results was the stark demographic breakdown. Cobra Commander dominated across all races, age groups, and even among extraterrestrial beings attending Galactic Con. It seems Cobra’s appeal transcends earthly boundaries, uniting geeks and alien voters alike.
As for Joe Biden, the absence of a single vote in his home state left many scratching their heads. Speculation ran rampant about whether the locals had turned their backs on him or simply preferred the allure and coolness of the much younger Cobra Commander and his promise of free Netflix access for all.
Sgt. Slaughter was on hand at the event representing G.I. Joe to ensure voter integrity and to investigate unfounded reports that some voters were being bribed with bags of Skittles.
In the aftermath of the Galactic Con election results, Barbie is rumored to be considering a run for the presidency in 2028, and Optimus Prime is gearing up for a Transformers-led revolution.
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